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Sat 9 April 3pm

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Cole-gate - more interesting facts

In what is becoming more like a sub-plot to a James Bond movie. The Ashley "The best left back in the world™" Cole tapping up affair is getting better with Stevie Gerrard being named as another tapping up target. You got the double-agent (Jonathan Barnett - how apt), the suave guy in the middle (Cole aka Mr Bond) and you have the bad guys one being a sneaky midget with an inflated ego (Jose Money - the midget Nick Nack in The man with the golden gun) and the Bald headed, one-eyed patch wearing, cat stroking one (Peter Kenyon aka Blofeld).

All the culprits have confirmed that a meeting did take place in a London Hotel, however it's the facts that differ. Cole and his double-agent say that they went to the hotel to talk about a supposed transfer to Spanish giants Barca and the geriatric overpaid Super stars R Us outfit of Real. Then when sat down in burst through the door, Jose Money & Blofeld.

Ashley "The best left back in the world™" Cole claims on seeing these two misfits he instantly wanted to leave but 'allegedly' Jose Money (Nick Nack) said 'De plane, de plane' or something to that effect or it might of been more like 'Seet down and leeson to what ve 'ave to say.. ve vill dooble you're filthy lucra - ve 'ave alreedy secured Stevie Gerrard'

Well that's one side of the story - as we all know there's three sides to every story. Your story, their story and the truth. There is going to be an FA inquiry into the tapping up affair. But with all the murky dealings of double-agents, rogue managers, tapping up of players (which is nothing new) and Russian mafia backed clubs - don't be too surprised if the FA reps leave their posts quicker than a Swede giving up reffing.


Dominatrix canes Bobby again

French coach Raymond Dominatrix has once again omitted Bobby Pires from the national team - meaning this is third consecutive time he has left him out of his plans. Bobby had this to say "This is no surprise, to be honest, what can I say? Obviously the national coach does not care about my performances. He has made his choice and I am clearly not part of it. I am not going to commit suicide because of it even though this is a huge disappointment for me." The 31 year old 79 capped player went on to say that he isn't going to fold on his international career.

However, although he is still on the injury list, hitman Thierry 'The King' Henry has been named in the squad as has El Capatain Patrick 'Le Boss' Vieira .


FA cup semi - it's a date

The Arsenal's FA Cup semi-final against Blackburn will kick off at 12.15pm (cheers for that) on Saturday, 16 April. So it's probably best you book that Cardiff trip from now - as the trains are bound to be a nightmare and the roads will be absolutely heaving.


Oh for Real - here we go again

The Patrick Vieira-The Arsenal-Real Madrid love triangle has started earlier this year than normal. The leader of the overpaid Geri-atico's Lorenzo Boutrus Butrous Perez has in short said, The Arsenal are third in the league, out of the Champions League so there is a chance that Vieira could sign up for the once great, over-rated, over hyped and over the hill and in decline, needing a complete overhaul club... it must be election year. Watch this space.


Win an EXCLUSIVE T - shirt

How would you lucky lucky people like to be the owner of this very exclusive brand new Dennis Bergkamp t-shirt? Well here's your chance. Our friends, the extremely funny and dark guys at harderthansatan have produced another funky limited edition design. ONLY TEN copies of this t-shirt are available.

All you need to do is answer this very simple question. Which teams did Dennis Bergkamp score his first and 100th Arsenal goals against?

Forward your answers and
your t-shirt size to:
for a chance to win this very tasty limited edition t-shirt.

The competition will now run until Friday 2nd May 2005.

good luck Gooners.

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round-up in 60 seconds or less..

José Antonio Reyes' agent has insisted that 'young slick' isn't seeking a move to Real Madrid and is happy to remain in London, despite reports from Spanish Real Madrid run media 'reporting' otherwise.... A new DVD has been brought out by The Arsenal titled "Classic victories over Sp*rs" which every Gooner should have in their collection, well it would rude not to. keep it locked on as we'll be holding a competition to win that DVD soon... The Arsenal have apparently made an enquiry on Alexander Hleb the FC Stuttgart 'ace' midfield player - so says his agent... Jermaine Jenas is also reportedly a target for The Arsenal during the summer sale s...'allegedly' Gilberto has bought himself a pair of clippers and will be sorting his barnet out real soon, which is nice.... The Arsenal chairman Peter Hill-Wood has dismissed speculation that manager Saint Wenger's future at Highbury could be in doubt. Hill-Wood told the Daily Star before puffing on a big ol' cigar: "It is absolute nonsense to question Arsene's future at Arsenal, so jog on boys"....keep it locked, more news at 11.



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