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when: 29/10/05  13.00

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On today's show

On your marks.. get set.. here we go...

In what will be the first of many, the highly regarded, never inferior bit of tat that calls itself a 'news'paper has thrown down the gauntlet to all others. The Daily Express has 'officially' become the 'Thierry Henry wants to leave Arsenal' 'news'paper. This startling bit of reporting has left the likes of The Current Bun, The Star and The Mirror firmly in the shade.

The Daily Express, which is the non-thinking mans Daily Mail, (how much of an arse would have to read that?) has reported King Henry will leave The Arsenal as he has confided in the infamous 'close friends' scenario. None of these so call 'close' friends were quoted or in fact interviewed by the paper, only a doodle of them were found after the 'reporter' got bored of his crayons after thinking up possible 'exclusives'.

Black cats mauled

'Little' Arsenal gave Sunderland a lesson in football in the Carling Cup on Tuesday night when they caned the northern monkeys 3-0. The Wenger boys who's average gage was 12 years old got three second half which were scored by Emanuel Eboue and Robin van 'Lord' Persie who cracked a brace.. ouch!

A massive thank you and the key to the City of London will be given to Alan Curbishley who became the saviour of football after mighty Charlton dumped The Bank of Chelsea out of the next round with a famous 5-4 penalty shoot out victory, which is nice. However always gracious in defeat José Money said the South East London team were 'lucky'.. boo hiss!!

The draw will be held on Saturday lunchtime, where The Arsenal will probably draw Manchester USA for the tie of the round, you know how those weighted balls behave.

T-shirt comp and the winners is....

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round-up in 60 seconds or less...

Viva la Mexico, The Arsenal will not be signing Mexican whiz kid Carlos Vela, well not yet. Arsène Wenger has revealed the player is a possible addition for the future, but as he's only 18 years old due to EC reasons the youngster can't be signed up. The likes of Barcelona, Inter and Real Madrid are also understood to be monitoring the youngster. It's believed Saint Wenger is very keen to sign Vela as he will near enough have the full set of nationalities at the club... Ex Arsenal player and manager George Swindin who at 90 had a very good innings died yesterday. The former keeper played 297 times for The Gunners and won a bunch of silverware including three Championships (more than any Bank of Chelsea player) and two F.A. Cup medals. Our best wishes and condolences go to your family and friends... French football genius that is Michele Platini has said the Ballon d'Or (that's Golden Ball to you non French speakers out there) should be awarded to Barcelona bound (!) the King of the va va voom Thierry Henry, but believes hub cap nicking thieving scouser Steven Gerrard or Ronaldo Gaucho De Assis Moreira aka Goofy (that's Ronaldinho to you and me) from Barca will get the gong.. In an interesting twist American owned conglomerate Manchester USA Red Sox are 'allegedly' looking at Ya Ya Touré, brother of Kolo. It is thought Sir Alex 'Ol 65% Proof Nose' Ferguson is looking to bolster his fast downhill going side with a bid for the youngster in the January Sales transfer window.. that's it for now... au reviour mon amis... Keep it locked.

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