On today's show

Bobby, what's French for 'I'm staying'?

Super Sub Bobby Pires has revealed he is at The Arsenal for the long haul, well until the end of the season anyway. The French genius has left all Gooners who have been biting their nails with a smile on their faces by announcing that he isn't going to 'do one' in the January sales transfer window. And more than that, the Alice-band sporting winger who nearly went to Juventus in the summer has said he wants to stay beyond the end of the season.

From what's been reported, 32 year old Pires is holding out for a two year contract, and as any mathematician will know this puts him in the other 30's club at The Arsenal. And as everyone worth their salt knows, The Arsenal only offer one year rolling contracts to the other 30's as part of their 'over 30's peak time playing' incentive.

The Arsenal's very own D'Artagnan exclusively told us in this gleaned report: "I'll not be leaving before the end of the season and I very much want to stay. I'm going nowhere that is for certain and I hope I'm at Arsenal next season. That's what I want." Which is nice.

The Rovers return

This weekends big match see's the return of northern monkey's Blackburn Rovers and their WWE Champion Andy 'The People's Elbow' Todd. You may remember 'The People's Elbow' from such blatant clothes lining shenanigans as the one against Robin van 'Lord' Persie in the 3-0 win, when Todd took out Lord Persie (and we're not talking about a three course meal and a bottle of vino) after the Dutch Meister scored a scorcher. After whacking in a screamer Lord Persie turned to be greeted by jubilant team mates but in fact got a forearm smash for a his troubles, anyhoo that's history.

The Arsenal team will be a different line up to that which pitted their wits against FC Thun in the Champions League in mid week. The Premiership fixture will see the return of mentalist keeper jens Lehmann, Kolo Touré, Gilberto and also Dennis Bergkamp. It hasn't been revealed whether Highbury cult (we're sure that's the word the guy in row E seat 122 called him) hero Pascal Cygan will terrorise and give all Gooners high blood pressure by being named at left back again, cue cries of derision and 'Why is he still in an Arsenal top?'

Thanks to our friends at the Beeb you can check for yourself all the stats and be a right anorak down the boozer: The Arsenal vs Blackburn Rovers: The tail of the tape.

Tel to smash another record

Saint Wenger - you owe us one

Arsène Wenger has again come out in the press and spoken openly about retaining Captain and all round Mr Nice Guy king Henry. The wily Frenchman who is trying to tie down Captain Titi for a longer stay in North London has comment, again in an exclusively gleaned report: "He has been inspirational for the club but I also feel that somewhere along the line the club helps the player. You need to meet the right club at the right moment and he did that." As everyone and his dog knows Big Tel wont put pen to paper or even discuss his future until the season's out, cue many more players to speak very highly of our captain and the reasons for him to stay.

Robin and Freddie Champions Show

Robin van 'Lord' Persie believes The Arsenal can still turn over the points deficit against The Bank of Chelsea and come up trumps in the Premiership. The young Dutch Meister who is on a hot streak of form at present said: "I think we are back on track. We need to continue this form in the Premier League and focus on that now we have qualified in the Champions League. I think there's still a chance to win it if we work hard and play as a unit."

However Arsenal winger Camp Freddie Ljungberg goes one further and wants a bigger slice of the pie in the form of the Champions League trophy. The SuperSwede™ declared "We want to win the competition - but every team in the competition will want to do that. It is a big tournament for us, we have not gone as far we might in the past.

"I don't really know what has happened in the Champions League before. Sometimes we have not had the luck, but at other times we have not played that well.

"We are not satisfied with how far we have gone in the past so we want to do more."

Roy Keane news

We know it's Not Arsenal news but we still thought it would be worth having this little gem here. After his shenanigan's calling all and sundry at American owned conglomerate soccer team Manchester USA Red Sox 'Shite' and then promptly being shown the door, mentalist and 1000 yard stare glaring Roy Keano has upped sticks and moved out of the neighbourhood. We'll see you again, don't know where, don't know when - but it certainly wont be at Highbury.

More on those northern monkeys

As everyone who can read a paper or a site for that matter knows, American owned conglomerate soccer team Manchester USA Red Sox have had their shirt deal with some mobile network who wont get any free publicity here cancelled. Both parties are blaming the other and the fast down hill going and declining northern monkey's believe they can get much more filthy lucre for their red bit of tat.

Our mission for you, should you choose to take is 'Who do you think should be the money grabbing and Asian touring teams next sponsor?' Send your answers to: thebloodymancs@allgoonerdup.com (copy and paste the address into your email client) - remember it's just for fun, the funniest ones will get a mention on the site, alongside your name, which is nice!

To get the ball rolling Allgoonerdup.com have come up with this :

Goonerbabe

Do you know any sexy gooners or simply want to put yourself forward? Well get sending. Let us know your name, age, where you're from, your favourite player, your favourite all-time Arsenal player and your favourite drink and anything else you want to spill. Not exactly Mastermind is it chaps and chapesses? Email us and attach your pics, it's that easy. This is the fans section, get cracking - it would be rude not too.

round-up in 60 seconds or less...

Happy New Year?: Well it will be as that is when it's been penciled in for pop tart dating and Burberry wearing Ashley Cole to make his return. Gael Clichy though is said to be back about March time at the earliest... Czech mate: Arsenal would be star Michal Papadopulos (who are ya?) who can be remember from such games as, well the Carling Cup a couple of years ago is being tracked by Bayer Leverkusen, the young hot shot has been loaned back to former team Banik Ostrava after failing to make the grade... No more action man: Classy Saint Wenger has confirmed he wont be taking any legal action against all round nauseating, megalomaniac Portugeezer and The Bank of Chelsea coach José 'Money' Mourinho after 'The Special case' called him a 'voyeur'.... that's it for now, au reviour mon amis, keep it locked.