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latest news arsenal premiership football

second is the new first...

The 3-1 win over the hub cap nicking scouser's on Sunday has more than likely secured second spot for The Arsenal. With a ten goal advantage over Manure The Arsenal look assured to have a longer summer break than the American owned conglomerate.

The game on Sunday which Liverpool had to win to have any chance of figuring in next season's Champions League, saw the scouser's actually come out of their own half for the first time in Premiership history. A absolutely delicious free-kick by Bobby Pires a la Thierry Henry stylee put The Arsenal ahead after José Reyes has a goal disallowed for offside. José wasn't to be denied his time in the spotlight as he slotted home after taking on three Liverpool defenders for a wand er and smashed his shot in, nutmegging Jersey Dudek into the bargain.

In the second half Liverpool got back into the game with a deflected free-kick after some scouse cheating tw*t dropped to the ground as if he had been felled by a German sniper after a little nudge by José Reyes. Anyway the cheeky gits actually believed they could get a result after that bit of luck. They poured it on in hope of achieving a miracle, which didn't come and with seconds on the clock the boy wonder 'Cesc' put the tie beyond doubt sending not only Highbury ballistic but the blue half of Merseyside. A big bottle of champagne no doubt is on it's way to Saint Wenger from the Everton boys, just in time for our meeting with them on Wednesday night.


The Arsenal in conceded goal shock

On Sunday five minutes into the second half in the game against northern monkeys Liverpool, a shocking incident occurred. Live for everyone to see, The Arsenal conceding a goal in a defence which included Philippe Senderos. The incident is the first of it's kind in eleven matches that Senderos has played.


Vieira has a pop at Mr Arsenal

In a story gleaned (sounds so much better than 'copied') from The Observer Sports monthly, Patrick Vieira has sounded off at Tony Adams. Big Tone for some reason has thought it wise to say Paddy wont play at the top level into his thirties, adding that his combative style and physical nature wont keep up with the demand s of the game. No sure why Mr Adams has come out with that, we all know he is a changed man and much more philosophical but didn't realise he managed to get a doctoring degree into the bargain.

Any road up, Big Pat has sad that he doesn't agree with The Arsenal Leg-ends comments. ''He is wrong, he is absolutely wrong because I have the determination to stay at the top. I look after myself properly. I know it is not going to be easy because of my early start. But staying on drives me on. When you are young you can play as often as you want. Now, when you are older, you need at least two days' rest. But I will play on for a long time.'' He exclusively told via The Observer.


'Ralph' in u-turn

Lauren our prize fighting right back has done an about turn and decided to play international football again. Lauren called it a day on his international career at the age of 26 but now wants to represent Cameroon who he has won a shed load of trinkets for including the Olympic gold medal.


Saint Wenger in FA conspiracy theory

Saint Wenger is angry at the Manure sponsored FA with the Cole-gate tapping up affair to be held in the same week as the FA Cup final. "We tried to get the meeting postponed but it didn't happen and they didn't give a reason, it is not the best week for us to have a hearing.

"We have done nothing wrong in this and then you get the hearing just before the FA Cup final. What a coincidence. I feel one of the reasons was because it's after the championship is done. Chelsea already have the trophy and they cannot take it away from them". Wenger said.

The Saint also says the timing of the inquiry is having negative effects on keeping the worlds best left back.


Latest news on Tel and Fred

Hot off the press:

Both players have been given deadlines of a week to prove their fitness for the FA Cup final.
Tel is regarded as now being 40/60 percent for playing.
Camp Freddie has yet to figure in a training in session.

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round-up in 60 seconds or less..

Edu has confirmed he will be playing for a different team next season... French international defender Willy Sagnol has claimed The Arsenal and northern monkeys Manure have been in contact and want to sign him up... Secretary sh*gging and   sauna loving Eng-gur-land manager Sven Goran-Ericsson has told Sol Campbell his England place isn't guaranteed with the likes of King Chav John Terry and Jamie 'Carra' of Liverpool hot on his heels after both have had over-achieving seasons... SWWWP has again said he intends to stay at Manchester Citeh, despite being linked with a move away from the Eastland s club in the summer sales... Bobby Pires is in the news again regarding his contract and ALL the media are jumping on it. He wants a two year contract, The Arsenal are 'allegedly' offering a one year contract keeping in line with their policy of one year rolling contracts for the over thirties. You can bet every big club in Europe will be linked to the stylish Frenchman from now till the summer, so don't be picking up too many papers or read too many 'un' Arsenal websites, they will just wind you up ... that's it Keep it locked, more news at 11.