Ashley "The best left back in the world™" Cole has been ordered to appear before the Premier League's 'tapping-up' inquiry on today. The three-man independent commission will hear from the player at the centre of the scand al after spending much of the opening day (Tuesday) listening to evidence from The Bank of Chelsea coach Jose Money and chief-executive and James Bond baddie Blofeld AKA Peter Kenyon.

Cole who was at the hearing on Tuesday was thought not to have been questioned which is why the panel sponsored by Manure FA has decided to interfere with their FA Cup final preparations by asking the young Ash back. Saint Wenger who is extremely angered by the timing of the hearing and who can blame him is understood to have made an appearance in support of Cole.

Saint Wenger and vice-chairman David Deino maintain that The Bank of Chelsea made an illegal approach for the England defender and will push for a severe penalty if the commission find the Premiership champions guilty, like say a 15 points docked.

Finally, the outcome of the Ashley Cole 'tapping-up' inquiry will not be made public until after Saturday's FA Cup final, the independent commission hearing the case has stated this morning.

FA Cup Final Week news

Big Tel - not playing in the Final

As all Gooners know by now, Thierry 'King' Henry will not feature in the end of season showpiece FA Cup Final. A reoccurring Achilles Heel injury has put paid to him terrorising one of the Neville's Grim. However the goal king and all round Mr Nice Guy said "Yes, I could have said to Arsene Wenger to put me on the bench so I could possibly get a medal and earn some glory - but that would be unfair on my team-mates. Incredibly selfish, in fact."

King Henry however, has also added that he believes The Arsenal can still go on to win the cup without him which Ashley Cole (him again?) has agreed with "We are playing really well and the lads are confident. They have beaten us three times, but hopefully we can use that against them and beat them in the important one and pick up that trophy because it is important to us as a club to win something." The young man said in this gleaned statement.

José Reyes - I'm staying, so is Paddy

Young José who has, it has got to be said, had a bit of a 'patchy' season has declared he is staying with London's most successful team despite all the rumours that he will depart to Real Geri-atico's as soon as the final whistle in the FA Cup final is signaled."Arsenal's fans have given me and the rest of the team fantastic support this season and I want to thank them for that," said Reyes. It's very important for me to play well for them in the cup final, and in the future, to repay that support. I have still enjoyed my first season in The Premiership."

"I have learned a lot about my own game and I now understand a different style of football as well as a whole new culture. Some people are saying that this might be my last match for Arsenal but I don't expect that to be the case. I have a contract with Arsenal so the club are the only people who can decide my future."

'Le Boss' Patrick Vieira ahead of all the annual 'Vieira to Real Madrid' summer stories have even had time to see the back pages or web pages has declared he wont be leaving The Arsenal and will be there until the end of his contract, which expires 2007. The big man also called Roy Keano a tw*t for questioning why he should play for France and not Senegal the country of his birth. Vieira came out fighting and said "For someone who leaves his team in the World Cup, I think he should keep this kind of remark to himself, He [Keane] does not know my background and I do not want him to make a comment like that because he is not in a good position to say something like that. He walked away from his national team when they really needed him."

We await to see what Roy the boy has to say or if he is just going to scowl and take his dog out for a walk whilst hitting 16 year old kids around the ears, we know which one our money is on.

News on Manchester Red Sox Buccaneers the artist formerly known as Manchester United

The latest talk is that Gaby Heinze team USA's left back will almost definitely miss out on the showpiece according to Alex 'Ol' 80% Proof Nose' Ferguson, who adds shop steward Gary Neville could also miss out.


You've heard all about the Mancs going mental because one of the creatures out of Lord of the Rings is buying them up, so have a laugh and play the game the Malcolm Glazer game here.

round-up in 60 seconds or less..

Alex 'Ol' 80% Proof Nose' Ferguson has said his soccer team Manchester Red Sox Buccaneers are not afraid of The Arsenal... transfer rebel Edu has revealed if The Arsenal showed 'more love' ok more of an interest he would of stayed at London's most successful club... Arturo Lupoli has won the 'mini golden boot' award after finishing stop goal scorer in the reserves and in his first season too, good work Gooner... must be a quiet week because FIFA president Sepp Blatter is in the news demand ing that clubs found guilty of tapping up players should face the penalty of being banned from buying and selling for one transfer window... The Arsenal are 'allegedly' eyeing Malmo's 24-year-old Brazilian striker Afonso Alves... They're all at it and now Camp Freddie is stating he is staying at The Arsenal and wants his contracts talks and Arsenal future decided before the summer break... Arsenal starlet Olafur Ingi Skulason wont be signing for FC Groningen and looks to stay in England with another team... that's it Keep it locked, more news at 11.