FRIDAY LATE CITY EDITION
Camp Freddie to get a cheeky half

Saint Wenger has confirmed Camp Freddie is to get a 45 minute run out in the last game of the season against midland giants and England 's second capital, Birmingham City.

Freddie who has recovered from a hip injury has not figured for The Arsenal for the last six games. Joining Camp Freddie for a run out is fit again Thierry Henry who after his 45 minute cameo in the 7-0 caning of northern scallies Everton on Wednesday is allowed to show his skills in a 90 minute show of exhibitionism.

The only change to the side is that 'Ralph' Lauren misses due to a bout of food poisoning. Which means Big Sol who made his comeback in the 7-0 caning of Everton and will feature in the match against The Brum. Obviously if the big man comes through the game unscathed this will give Saint Wenger a bit of FA Cup headache of who to play against the American conglomerate Manchester Red Sox Buccaneers.

Saint Wenger has also stated ahead of the game that he will rest a couple other players ahead of the FA Cup showpiece. However that's not to detract from the way the game will be played against The Brum as Wenger says he wants to finish the season in style and with a win. "We want 86 points, which would be remarkable. It's vital to keep our run going and confidence high, I may give a breather to players who've played two or three games on the trot but otherwise we'll play a top team and go there trying to win." Said the man with the magic hat.

The game will also see ex-lag Jermaine Pennant line up against his former employers although he may be a bit disillusioned in saying “It’s going to be a fun game for me and , hopefully, we can come away with all three points.” Birmingham City have failed to score against The Arsenal in the Premiership - which is nice, think someone better tell that to young Pennant.

Tel joins in the DB10 appreciation society?

Terry Henry has stated that if he was The Arsenal manager he would sign Dennis Bergkamp for another 12 months so he could continue menacing opposition defences.

"I was really happy for Dennis. During the whole game, the fans were asking for another year. That is the least you can do for a player like that. I've said it so many times, he makes things easy. You saw how many times he was involved in the goals, I lost count. He was amazing throughout all the years that he has been here and , if it was down to me, I would give him another year." The goal king said.

Saint Wenger still hasn't made any further comments on the situation as we await the outcome. However with the Dutch master's strike partner adding his voice to the 38,000 at Highbury on Wednesday for 'one more year' we are sure to be walking in a 'Bergkamp Wonderland ' for another 12 months, surely?

Edu - it's not about the filthy lucre

Nice guy and dodgy passport having Edu has said his decision to leave The Arsenal wasn't based on dirty cash. The Brazilian and much loved player had this to say “In the beginning I said I was not sure if I want to stay or not. Then my feelings started to tell me it was a good time to leave. Also I heard about other clubs and what they want to do with me. I started to realise that it was maybe a good time to leave.

“People think it is about money but Arsenal offered me a very good contract. It is not all about money. I just think that now is a good time to change my life and start another one.”

Which is fair play, he put in a nice bit of service for The Arsenal cause and we wish him well. Well we do some more now knowing it wasn't just for the money, good luck Gooner.

DB10's agent in 'sort it out' speech

Of course we are talking about the 'will he wont he' saga involving Dennis Bergkamp and the 12 month contract. With the uncertainty surrounding the future of the Dutch master, his agent is doing what he's paid for and given an ultimatum to Saint Wenger. Rob Jansen, DB10's agent wants an answer and for The Arsenal to clarify their intentions before the FA Cup regarding the future of the Dutch magician.

Jansen exclusively said in this gleaned statement "No one knows and it's up to Arsene Wenger what he does, but every year we have the same saga, Dennis will be leaving for a holiday straight after the cup final and it would be appreciated if it was sorted out by then. Arsene Wenger has not said anything to Dennis about him staying."

The plot thickens.

News on the Manure Soccer team take over - we did tell you

Not ones to be smug and say 'we told you so' well - 'we told you' - Lord of the Rings creature looking American trillionaire Malcolm Glazer has bought the northern monkeys of Manchester United. The soon to be re-named Manchester Red Sox Buccaneers will immediately see some changes at Old Shiteford Park which too will be renamed. The Malcolm Glazer Nike Rose Bowl will be the new name for the northern monkey stadium. Our 'exclusive' shot reveals the secret changes at the ground.

New orders from the management include football from now on in Manchester united (oops Manchester Red Sox Buccaneers) half of town (somewhere in Kent) will be from now on be called and only recognised as 'soccer'. It's been confirmed hot dogs, pizza a Texan sized cow burgers will replace meat pies on match day. Ground work is also ongoing, which includes changing the goalmouth into 'end zones' complete with painted zones and the games will be played in four quarters instead of two halves. However reports of people having to 'whoop' instead of cheer are said to be wide of the mark, however the wearing of mand atory Stetson hats isn't.

and the fans are revolting

Yes it's true and don't we find it funny as hell. The Manchester Red Sox Buccaneers fans are burning effigies and season ticket applications in their contempt of the takeover, which is nice. There is even talk of 'doing a Wimbledon' by creating a breakaway team, aren't those northerners so melodramatic?

Have a laugh and play the game the Malcolm game here.

round-up in 60 seconds or less..

Lord van Persie has provisionally been called up for the Dutch team for their two qualifiers in June, good work Gooner... Ghana International and Lyon lynchpin Michael Essien is reportedly being tracked by The Arsenal, oh as well as Manure, The Bank of Chelsea, Real, Barca and Inter... The Arsenal ladies who recently secured their umpteenth league title in a row, did so going the whole season unbeaten, well done girls... that's it Keep it locked, more news at 11.