Bayern Munchich set to 
miss a Ballack

Bayern Munchich super star and midfield general is set to miss the clash with The Arsenal in the Champions League - which is surperb news for The Arsenal defence, who will of course be without Sol 'The Rock' Campbell and possibly Ashley "The best left back in the world™" Cole - who is stilled holed up in a Central London hotel unable to get out of bed for less than £70k per week.. (alegedly).

The Munchkin's of Munich who whipped some other German team 5-0 at the weekend are really up for this game and their coach - Madman Felix has stated he is looking forward to the visit of The Arsenal. "I am confident we'll beat Arsenal" he exclusively told our website. He also went on about some other stuff but we forgot to turn the mic on.

'Le Boss' Patrick Vieira, along with Thierry 'King' Henry and the Samba star Edu will start for the Gunners. Our Vice-Prez, The Honourable Dennis Bergkamp misses the game through his fear of flying and German food & shold be watching from home all cosyed up, whilst the boys play in temparatures of *-3° degress below. *temperature correct at time going to press.

Another trip Upnorth

Well it will be should be, if we see off Sheffield Utd in the replay of the F.A. Cup on March 1st. This time should we see off those northern monkeys we will meet none other than out perennial bogey team that is Bolton.

The only other important part of the draw to focus on is that The lottery winning chav slayers, The Toon - will now meet either Notts Forrest or 'we always win something when the year ends in 01' Tott*nham - so no luck this year then boys. Again.

The Manure sponsored F.A. charge Reyes

After giving some northern monkey a slap for stepping on Fabregas' head during the 'heated' FA Cup clash with Sheffield Utd, it has now come as no surprise at all that The Arsenal rediscovered striker José 'radio prank' Reyes has been charged with violent conduct. When reviewing all the evidence and dismissing any wrong doing by the Sheffield Utd player The Manure sponsored F.A. will charge Reyes with a three game ban.

The Arsenal to appeal

And on that same subject The Arsenal will appeal the Dennis Bergkamp red card he picked up during the game by gently touching but then rather violently waving his figure in the face of Danny Cullip. Don't hold your breath for a reprieve.

The Wrath of Kahn

Bayern Munich, German No:1 keeper and sometimes playboy Oliver 'Jughead' Kahn, has trown down the gaunlet against fellow German keeper Jens 'Mentalist' Lehmann. However Lehmann maintained "it is a competitive relationship, but it is not a war or anything poisonous like that".

60 second round-up or less

Due to lack of culumn inches in recent months, well since the World Cup 2002, Roy Kean has brought it on himself to gob off once more. This time the laid back smooth talking Irishman has stated that 'Le Boss' Vieira got 'physical' with Neville Neville during the 'Tunnel Incident', now there's a vision from hell ANYONE getting physical with that Manc tw*t. The injury prone madman then concluded that he had to protect his wimp of a colleague as he couldn't stand up for himself... The Arsenal have stepped up their pursuit of a new keeper, even though we have Graham Stack & Stuart Taylor at the club. Anyway this time the keeper is Silvio Proto who keeps sticks for Louviere...