Kings of the Tapa's...

Our ever mercurial talent that is José Antonio Reyes was subject to those dastardly king of the japes, stomach tickling and chief hoaxers - Spanish Radio. If you've been following this story Reyes has been reportedly been tapped up by the international Kings of Tapa's (yer get it?) Real Madrid. Even his agent who remarkably enough isn't his brother or even related has claimed Real wanted the Spanish superstars signature a 'while' ago. The slick disco dancing superstar admitted it was an 'honour' to be thought of by Real, however he is an Arsenal player and wants to help win oodles of trophies this season. But and here comes those jolly japers of complete banality - a Spanish radio DJ on Cope Radio conducted an interview with young José pretending to be Emilio Butros Butros Butragueno Real's Director of Tapping up Players under Contract.

However, in this jolly hoax of an interview young José admitted he would be interested in joining the 'El over the hill and overpaidios' at Real. He also said it would be a way to get away from 'bad people' at The Arsenal. Yesterday The Arsenal put out a statement stating 'Slick' is happy at The Arsenal, under contract and is happy at The Arsenal... so that's him sold in the summer.

Eyebrows 'Reyes'd' in Owen Deal

Oh come on it 'nearly' worked. The story at the moment is IF Reyes is unhappy in London and at The Arsenal then it could be that England international striker and hobbit actor of Lord of the Rings, Michael Owen, may be heading back to England in a swap deal.

Monday night love in

Valentine's Day it may be on February 14th - however more importantly it sees The Arsenal take on Sarf London chavs Chrystal Palace. Another 'must win' game in the race for second place, let's hope it's not heartbreak for The Gunners as we attempt to narrow the gap at the top. With Chelski playing 4th placed (who would of thought it) the thieving scouser's of Everton and Manure fans having to make their 300 mile round trip to Man Citeh in the northern monkey derby it could see a weekend were vital points could be dropped. Well we can hope.

60 second round up

Arsenal leg-end and French 'adult movie star' Emmanuel Petit wants The Arsenal to buy SWP, who doesn't?... The Manure sponsored F.A. have received all the documents and statements surrounding the Cole-gate tapping up affair, so expect absolutely nothing to happen there... Patrick Vieira is reportedly San Siro bound - it's best thought that would be to see what AC Milan play like after they knock out the northern monkey's of Manure, as wasn't it Italia that he said he wouldn't play for another team... International's week is over meaning that there's less 'exclusives' and made up stories to fill the pages of the sport rags - hoorah!.. All drinking and car crashing Jermaine Pennant has revealed he would like to make his loan move to Birmingham a permanent one. Which speaks volumes as he will be doing bird in the next month or so.. Brum wasn't as bad we thought then... not directly Arsenal news but funny all the same - those northern monkeys north of the border, Manure - well Manure fans to be precise are up in arms (literally - some of them) as their American sugar daddy and John McCririck's lost twin Malcolm Glazer aims to buy the club. The Texan Yankee plans will be to rename the team, Manchester Red Sox Buccaneer's has been suggested and instead of Old Shiteford the ground will be renamed The Manure Soccer Rose Bowl, with whooping and cheering of Jerry Springer proportions mandatory.. that's the end of this round up.