On today's show..

Captain Titi in 'Chelsea are scared  of us' caper

Ahead of the surprisingly not too hyped up game against The Bank of Chelsea at the weekend by the media, King Henry has decided to do the talking. King Henry has let everyone know that The Bank of Chelsea fear The Arsenal's attack. "What did Chelsea do that day? Only defend. Besides, they defend each time they play against us whereas it's different with other rivals. The way Chelsea played against us the other day is, for me, a form of respect. So they fear us.

"When there are five minutes left and Crespo makes for the corner flag to gain time, what does that mean to you? For me, it's clear. They were afraid of being pulled back and tried everything not to be so. Five minutes from the end, and in a charity match, what's more. Without taking anything away from Chelsea, I'd like to think that Arsenal play football, more than our opponents."

It is more than likely that José Money the chavs manager will make some poignant response or we can even await with baited breath Chelsea Village idiot and James Bond baddie looking Peter 'Blankerty Blank cheque book and pen' Kenyon will enlighten us with one of his little pearls of wisdom.

Our new captain and all round Mr Nice Guy has also heaped praise on Chav midfield general vertically challenged Makelelelelelelele or Ukulele for short (do you like that, see what we done there?).

Sharp darts

Ex- Arsenal Captain PV4 (you may remember him?) has broken his silence on how The Arsenal will cope without his warrior presence in midfield and exclusively said in this gleaned report - which by rights people you probably know already "They will be fine. Something that will never change at Arsenal is that the quality at the club is not about individual players - it is about the team and the spirit they have. I watched the Community Shield and I thought they looked sharper than The Bank of Chelsea to be honest."

Wenger to splash some cash?

If you haven't read it already, which you probably would have somewhere Saint Wenger is still keeping his options open on getting more players in. In this gleaned report courtesy of the official website Monsieur Wenger said “My only target was Julio Baptista. I wanted to get someone who can add goals and can be a force in the midfield. I did not want a technical player because we have technical players in the middle.

“I am still looking but you can’t easily find these players. I don’t want to buy a player just to buy a player. In my opinion this team has a super talent and we will only buy if someone will get the team to a different level.”

However as this is kind of good news in some quarters, the other flip of the coin is The Saint didn't mention anything about flogging off defending catastrophe that is Pascal Cygan.

It's up for grabs now

Are you having a really stressful time at work today, need to raise a smile or do you just want to kill some time? Well we have the perfect tonic for you which will put a smile on your face quicker than Kelly Brook in a thong.

Tell your Liverpool mates if you have the misfortune to know one of those hub cap nicking scallies. Click on I want a smile on my face. Sit back and enjoy - again and again and again, it would be rude not to.

That t-shirt comp &  the winner is....

Drum roll please... Tim from Guildford. Tim's winner was this My wife works for a 'current Dutch international footballer' based in Surrey also an ex Sperz goalie) and think it would be cool if she wore it to work (she's their cleaner) as I'm sure he and his missus would appreciate some Dutch humour on Holland 's finest. Tim you're a winner, we like your style - good work Gooner.

round-up in 60 seconds or less..

Got your number, injury prone, apparently want-away ex-T*ttenham player Sol Campbell has been told by Sven Goran Eriksson that he hasn't been counted out of his World Cup plans yet... Philippe Christanval the French defender who played in the pre-season for The Arsenal has not given up hope of joining the Gunners. However after being splashed about the media saying Big Sol wants to leave, don't fancy his chances much... David Bentley the man who once was tipped to be 'the new Dennis Bergkamp' is 'allegedly' want by mighty south coast team Portsmouth... au reviour mon amis... Keep it locked, more news at 11..