Keep the Champers on ice boys

Saint Wenger has told the lottery winning chavs of Sarf West London to keep the Champers on ice as he congratulated them on winning the Premiership title. "Chelsea will be worthy champions because they have been remarkably consistent. That's the most difficult thing to do in top sport. We have to congratulate them for what they have achieved. They will be champions. The fact they didn't lose here tonight means they will be champions - unless somebody puts a bomb here," he joked. Before scurrying off in the direction of the Guy Fawkes museum of bomb making.

The 0-0 draw at The Bank of Stamford Bridge still sees the champions a massive 11 points behind and now becomes a guessing game to just when Chelsea are crowned the new champions. The Arsenal started brightly enough with Super Bob going close twice early on - that's about as good as it got. With both teams boasting mean defences (who would of thought we'd be writing that about The Arsenal after the early season shenanigans?) 0-0 was probably a very predictable result, especially given the chavs of sarf London's very defensive minded football style.

What was a surprise, Saint Wenger kept on fire Lord van Persie on the bench, whilst still persevering with José Reyes. DB10 didn't get a kick which was more to do with the Chelski style of play than anything else. Although when he was eventually replaced in the 78th minute by Lord van Persie he too didn't really get a look in really. Two things to take away from the game is that we kept another clean sheet - Senderos and Kolo looking solid as ever and the return ofJeremie Ali-Ali-Dere to the team. Although we couldn't get a result at The Bank of Stamford Bridge the best news of the night was that nine man Manchester Red Wildcats the American owned 'soccer' team lost against Everton after Paul Scholes and Neville Neville got themselves sent off - oh how we laughed. which is nice.

10 year wait continues

No not Chelsea to be crowned champions that's the big 50 as we all know. The Arsenal's remarkable league record of being unbeaten by the lottery winning chavs of Sarf West London continues. You have to go back - way back till the 1995/96 season when the London Russians got one over The Arsenal, when the match winner on the day was a certain Mark Hughes.

Bit of an Arsenal love-in

After all the negative publicity in the wake of his sending off against Southampton, current Arsenal golden boy Lord van Persie has said that was his lowest point at the club. He added he watched Bobby Pires in training and basically watching the great man has 'inspired' him, which is nice.

Still available in the Chelski book store

Our roving reporter has been at it again and somehow managed to sneak his way into the London Russians book store and this time found these two gems. It's been reported that a third title in the Dummies range is planned but it is yet to be confirmed whether a fifty year wait was on the cards or how much more money would go into the title.

Van dar Sar - cup ref is a joke

Not exactly Arsenal news however it does have an impact and besides it's a quiet day so we thought we'd include it. Fulham custodian Edwin van der Sar has said about chosen FA Cup Final ref Rob Styles "I don't know what's going on with him, but I wish him the best of luck for the cup final - and I hope he does a better job than the last two games.

"Players are allowed to have a poor game and probably the referee also. But he got quite important decisions wrong. I am sure my left foot was outside the box, otherwise I would have tried to catch the ball. The referee didn't know and the linesman was 40 yards away. and when there's doubt, you don't give a penalty. It's just a bad decision."

The lanky goalie than continued "It's going to be great fun to watch the FA Cup final with this referee."

It's only a matter of time now before the Manure sponsored FA censor the big man and hit him with a fine, you can put money on it.

WWE Star and y 'The Peoples Elbow' Todd denies charge

and there you have it. and y Todd better known under his WWE tag of 'The Peoples Elbow is contesting the glaring evidence of his signature move on Lord van Persie. Blackburn Rovers manager Mark Hughes has even stepped into the arena and said: "I spoke to and y immediately after the game and he assured me it was a complete accident. (nudge nudge, wink wink) I've looked at it again and my view is that I agree with him".

The Blackburn player himself has said of the 'accident' "I don't know what it looks like on television, but all I have done is turn into him and raised my elbow and caught him smack on the jaw, I was quite pleased with it - he didn't get up did he? I offered my apologies to the other players, but they did not want to know. If that is the attitude they want to take then fair enough*."

Todd faces a three-match ban if he is found guilty by FA officials.

*some of this statement may or may not of been falsified.

.....BREAKING NEWS....
The Manure sponsored FA have somehow cleared and y Todd of violent conduct for his elbow smash, cheers Reuters.

Win an EXCLUSIVE T - shirt - there's still time!!

How would you lucky lucky people like to be the owner of this very exclusive brand new Dennis Bergkamp t-shirt? Well here's your chance. Our friends, the extremely funny and dark guys at harderthansatan have produced another funky limited edition design. ONLY TEN copies of this t-shirt are available.

All you need to do is answer this very simple question. Which teams did Dennis Bergkamp score his first and 100th Arsenal goals against? Remember we are looking for TWO teams - a lot of you have just put one team, cmon concentrate and read the question!

For a chance to win this limited edition
t-shirt, click on the link and give us your answers and your t-shirt size:

or you can copy and paste the email address:
db10tshirtcomp@allgoonerdup.com

The competition will now run until Friday
2nd May 2005.

good luck Gooners.

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and to view more products
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round-up in 60 seconds or less..

Juventus striker David Trezeguet has hinted he wants to join The Arsenal and play alongside King Henry. The fleet footed French international hasn't had the best of season's at 'The Old Lady' so he must be hankering for a new deal... ...After all the shenanigans regarding the 'tapping up' affair it was nice to see Ashley "The best left back in the world™" Cole getting 'man of the match' award against Chelski... of Keep it locked, more news at 11.