After stating only a couple weeks ago that he would one day like to be The Arsenal's captain, Ashley "The best left back in the world™" Cole has come and said he is unsure of his Arsenal future. After the FA Cup win against northern monkeys Blackburn Rovers - young Ash was asked if he intended to stay with the champions "It's just hard for me to say at the moment. I expected the stick I got at Highbury. In fact I thought there was going to be more of it..." was the reply.

In what has got the media in a spin and ahem second guessing the champions of England star left back words. Many of the media are suggesting that young Ash will be on his way, however the best left back in the world™ said “I find it frustrating to say the least that some of today’s newspapers are second guessing my thoughts and stating that I have indicated to them any future plans I may have,” said Cole. “This simply is not the case.

“I totally understand that the fans want to know more about my situation but, with a Premier League inquiry underway, it is hard for me to talk as freely as I would like right now. The main thing I want to convey is that I have two years left on my contract here and it goes without saying that I am fully focused and fully committed to this football club.”

So there you have it, of course the media will obviously try and turn the words around into something negative - but you can bet your bottom dollar this one will run and run and there will be more twists and turns as the probing (ouch!) gets under way.

Badman and Robin

Lord Robin 'The new DB10' van Persie was the hero again for The Arsenal as he scored two scorchers after coming on as a second half super sub in the FA Cup semi against the Bruisers of Blackburn. Blackburn's dirty dogs of war tactics should of been pre-empted when the teams came running out to their designated tunes, The Arsenal 'We are the champions' and Blackburn Rovers 'Can I kick it?'

The northern monkeys adopted a 'if it moves kick it' mentality with Vieira coming in for the harshest bit of bullying - with three of the four Blackburn yellow cards being for assaults on him.

This was a game where quality shun through in what was literally a kick about for the northern boys. They came to spoil, kick and eventually elbow The Arsenal out of their stride in attempting to get to their fourth FA Cup final in five years. With their 9-1 formation the northern monkeys weren't going to make this semi an entertaining affair - however The Arsenal came to play football as the Blackburn player's manager Mark 'Sparky' Hughes must of told the northern monkeys they were going to be on TV's 'It's a knockout'. Although one highlight in the game which should be mentioned is The Arsenal's 45 olé passing taking the p!ss out of the northern monkeys in the second half, which is nice.

Goals by Super Bob and those two screamers by Lord Persie were the highlight of the game - however it was Blackburn's strong arm tactics which were the talking points. After scoring The Arsenal's third goal in the 90 minute Lord 'The Beast' van Persie was dropped by WWE star and y 'The peoples elbow' Todd with his trademark signature move. This blatant elbow was disguised to look like an accident as Todd's face had a look of guilt rather than innocence after dropping Lord Persie like a bad habit. Only Todd can tell you if he meant to pull of his signature move however it's up the Manure sponsored FA and their video panel to decide if the blatant attack which left Lord Persie literally frothing at the mouth to action any sentence - if any, but I wouldn't hold your breath.

It's on

The FA Cup final on 21 May to be played at The Arsenal's second home - the Millennium Cardiff will be against the northern cheating scum which is Manure. The manc scum overcame their semi final game against the Geordie boys of Newcastle who decided they shouldn't turn up as everyone wanted an Arsenal vs Manure final. The manc scum started in typical manner with Cristiano 'Don't copy my moves' Riverdance falling over his own feet and trying to con the ref Mike Riley (who is coincidentally sponsored by Manure - more details on a previous article on Manchester United) into giving a penalty however in what was a shock for many who are familiar with Riley's reffing preference for the northern cheating scum - he booked the young diver. Anyway needless to say the Geordie boys didn't put up much of a fight - well not with the opposition anyway and lost the game by default - as Manure also had a twelve man in the ginger minger that is Nicky Butt. They eventually ran out 4-1 winners over Alan (the original people's elbow) Shearer's boys.

The Manure sponsored FA have now confirmed that Rob Styles will be the man in black for the showpiece final in Cardiff.

More on Blackburn

Some of the players have complained about Blackburn's 'Can I kick it' way of playing god's game.
Gilberto has said "We knew what to expect. They played hard and strong and we knew what they would give us. We did very well and in the whole game we did not give them any confidence or hope they could beat Arsenal. We did the job."

Super Bob said: "The most important thing was to stay calm as Blackburn were so aggressive. We could not afford to lose our self-control. Their target was to try to destroy Patrick Vieira in the first half."

Old 'Sparky' the Blackburn Manager said of the treatment of Vieira - that the Frenchman should be more 'robust in receiving tackles' and also claimed The Arsenal captain spent too much time on the floor, especially when having seven shades of merde kicked out of him.

Ol' 80% Proof Nose at it again

Ahead of the clash against Manure - cheating Manchester scum dictator and whiskey smelling despot Alex 'Ol' 80% Proof Nose' Fergie-son, hic... has said that he now believes The Arsenal are behind the planned return of the FA Cup final to Wembley. The mad jock said ".............." well we couldn't quite understand the madman however one of our trusted translators insisted that Ferguson said "Without doubt those Londoners are trying to steal an unfair advantage by staging the final in London again. Although it would be better for our hardcore fan base season ticket holders and real Manchester United supporters in Kent', before saying he's going down the 'Off-ey' for some 'Buckfast'.

Win an EXCLUSIVE T - shirt - there's still time!!

How would you lucky lucky people like to be the owner of this very exclusive brand new Dennis Bergkamp t-shirt? Well here's your chance. Our friends, the extremely funny and dark guys at harderthansatan have produced another funky limited edition design. ONLY TEN copies of this t-shirt are available.

All you need to do is answer this very simple question. Which teams did Dennis Bergkamp score his first and 100th Arsenal goals against? Remember we are looking for TWO teams - a lot of you have just put one team, cmon concentrate and read the question!

For a chance to win this limited edition
t-shirt, click on the link and give us your answers and your t-shirt size:

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2nd May 2005.

good luck Gooners.

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round-up in 60 seconds or less..

Ahead of the 'top of the table clash' against the lottery winning chavs of Sarf West London Peta Cech is using some form of Jedi mind trick(!) saying he was in despair at not joining the champions whilst at Sparta Prague. He of course went to Rennes in France as he couldn't obtain a work permit... 'Alleged' Arsenal target Emre is in talks with Everton... that's about it.....Keep it locked, more news at 11.