The first week of the season always defies regular football logic. It is a time of jungle law, where hype temporarily takes control of the steering wheel and teams like Sunderland and Sp*rs indulge briefly in wild fantasies of winning the league and challenging in Europe within a few seasons. Of course this is always a fallacy and usually comes about because of something I like to call ' Debut Theory'. This is the idea that when a team signs a new player that they will have a scoring debut but then fade into obscurity, like Right Said Fred.
Theo Walcott scored twice on his Arsenal Reserves debut and we all know what happened to him. The first goal of this Premier League season was scored by Michael Chopra on debut for Sunderland, and since then he has only managed to find the net twice more in his 19 league appearances. Florent Mal Odour..erm.. Malouda, the CSKA Chelski winger excels with the debut effect. He scored in his first appearance for Chelski in a friendly, then in the Community Shield and finally his Premier League debut. I say finally, because since then he has decided not to bother scoring goals anymore which is fine with me.
Of course this can work in different ways during the season. The woodwork was clearly not in on this immutable law on the weekend, when Nicolas Anelka failed to find the net on his Chelski debut. I think Le Sulk must be aware of Debut Theory because it seems he has made it his footballing ethos by attempting to debut for a new club almost every new week. No wonder he has such a good goal scoring record.
This theory takes on a greater importance when it involves managerial changes, and brings me round to why I decided to discuss this today. New Manager Syndrome is much the same as Debut Theory, only it involves more hype and a longer time frame. A new manager climbing into the directors box having just been announced as the next gaffer will instantly galvanize a team. The pitch suddenly slopes downhill or perhaps the players suddenly realising their comfortable 50 000 pounds a week gig could be under threat if they don't perform lift their game. Until they are in tight with the manager they are suddenly prepared to run their legs off for their team's cause. Meanwhile the fans of the club are suddenly rejuvenated and flights of fantasy are reborn for a few weeks. Suddenly boring draws become 'turning the corner', whilst wins just fuel the flames of expectation as yet more attention is drawn to the club, even if, like debut theory, it rarely lasts.
But this is unfortunately what our lads are up against in the next few weeks. Fulham, struggling badly this season finally got rid of Lawrie 'Norn Iron' Sanchez and have brought in the relegation master Roy Hodgson. I still believe they are so Championship quality rubbish it won't make a difference, but, Arsene, who I know follows my column religiously over his Saturday morning Wheaties, I implore you to warn the team against complacency. Having just seen Birmingham, still riding the tail end of the new manager effect steal two points from us, the team needs to be motivated and focused to prevent this.
Then of course we have Juan A Day Ramos and his pathetic lot, who are in the midst of their own 'revolution' - it's always a revolution when a new manager starts, that is why signing players are always 'coups'. Our under 11's team are probably just as keen to impress Le Gaffer though and surely they couldn't play quite as poorly in the away leg as they did back at the Emirates last week.
Before the month is out we then have to face the returning Messiah, Keggy Keegan and the shambolic geordie's. A team that, until this week, has been haemoraghing goals and looking rather disinterested will now have the new manager effect on their side. No doubt by this time next year Keggy will be a permed washed out train wreck back running his Clown Football College in the Faroe's, but for the next few weeks at least there will be a lot of focus on Newcastle's games and a lot of media hype.
It is with that in mind that I suggest we sign Kaka, Ronaldo (the fat one), Messi, get Henry and Pires to return, and convince Tony Adams to resign. Hell, we should see if Manu Petit feels like regrowing the ponytail and running on for 10 minutes here and there.That should balance out the debut/new manager effect quite nicely.
By Paul Wright
The worst kept secret in football is out, now not that C*ntley C*nt is a short arsed money grabbing C*nt but Lassana Diarra has gone to The Arsenal's players retirement home of that there Portsmouth F.C - joining up with the likes of Lauren, Sol Campbell and Kanu. It's been on the cards for a few weeks but the move is a very peculiar one. You have a player who leaves CSKA Chelsea to join The Arsenal and due to his lack of games decides to up sticks again to play for the south coasters. I'm not knocking Portsmouth, I actually like the place and the club as I done a tour of duty there for a few years whilst studying for my degree - the place not the club.
What is a mystery is why a player who if he decided to put his mind to it and fight for his place he would stand a good chance to force his way into the team and be much more than a squad player. Bearing in mind Gilberto's legs and performance's aren't what they used to be and with every one and their dog believing he'll be headed for the exit come summer - Diarra would of done well to hang around. However, Diarra says that 'appy Harry Redknapp has assured him he'll get games. Now I'm not sure what's written into his contract but I very much doubt it will list what games the megalomaniac Diarra will definitely be playing in. However folks don't be too surprised to find out come summer Diarra looking for a new club because of lack of opportunities as he'll be up against Papa Bouba Diop and he's a big b'stad - I don't fancy being Harry telling Boupa Diop he's going to miss out because of Diarra. Anyhoo, I digress Diarra could of been a very good player for us but he wasn't up for the fight and prefers to join a team where he hasn't got much competition to push himself further, oh well I guess time will tell if he made the right decision, who knows.
Latest news today
'Ze German mentalist' Jens Lehmann: He's staying, well for now after turning down Borussia Dortmund.
Verdict: The grumpy old man is staying
Mathieu Flamini: The Flying Frenchman could still leave and with Le Gaffer Arsène Wenger OBE saying he is 'hopeful' The Flamster will sign up. Not sure about you but it doesn't make it clear cut and there is still a worry as Flamini could sign a pre-nup with a Euro giant and go on a freebie at the end of the season.
Verdict: Staying (hopefully)
Andrei Arshavin: (Yup, never heard of him either) However the 26 year old Russian international midfielder is said to of interested The Arsenal, Tottenham and Marseille or that's what no doubt his agent would have you believe. Arshavin (is that legal?) who plies his trade for Zenit St Petersburg is a bit of a play maker and apparently wants a move away, however spurs (until The Arsenal 'allegedly' expressed an interest) are supposedly leading the chase so lets see how much he really wants out.
Likelihood: Unlikely
Vyacheslav Dmitriev: Another Russian on Le Gaffer Arsène Wenger's OBE radar. The Torpedo Moscow defender is nicknamed The Elephant (lets hope they got the translation right and it isn't Dumbo) and at 17 years old is what we would be accustomed to The Arsenal chequebook be dusted down for.
Likelihood: Possible
Nikolay Dimitrov: His name is still being banded about in the media but as yet no solid news on the left winger who plies his trade for Levski Sofia.
Likelihood: More likely to buy him in the summer than right now.
Fabricio: No not some Brazilian free scoring midfield man with one name but the Deportivo La Coruna B teams 20 year old keeper. Apparently Fabricio has been watched on a number of occasions and with 'Ze German mentalist' Jens Lehmann likely to move on in the summer this one is more likely to happen in the summer.
Likelihood: Doubtful.
Carlos Kameni: Another keeper that The Arsenal are 'allegedly' keeping tabs on, as well as spurs (can't they do anything by themselves?). Whoever buys The Espanyol keeper will have to put up with him going on six week beano's every two years as Cameroon nearly always qualify for the African Cup of Nations - bah!
Likelihood: Doubtful given Kameni's 'holiday entitlement' and a keeper being an instrumental part of a team.
| In (yeah really) | ||
| Player | From/To | Readies |
| Out | ||
| Lassana Diarra | Portsmouth FC | £5.5m (apparently) |
| Matt Connolly | Queens Park Rangers | £1m (apparently) |
| Vincent van den Berg | Go Ahead Eagles | Loan |
| Fran Merida | Real Sociedad | Loan |
Here's your chance to start the new year with some brand new clobber, which is nice. Allgoonerdup is once again running a win a t-shirt competition and the chance to win this fab Cesc Fabregas t-shirt. Available in different colours.
To have a chance to win this Arsenal inspired number and get picked out the magic hat just tell us who The Arsenal got the Spanish midfield general from?
Send your answers, name and postal address plus your choice of t-shirt, colour and size to:
iwannafreebie@allgoonerdup.com
Competition closes Monday 4 February.
Good luck Gooners.
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Who would you sign up in the January transfer window? if anyone or do you, like Le Gaffer Arsène Wenger OBE believe we don't need reinforcements?
Topic of the day - Who would you sign up in January?
More Da Silva-ware: Like what I done there? Any road up, our 'fox in the box' Eduardo Da Silva has been named Player of the Month for December on the official Arsenal FC site - good work Gooner...That's your lot, we out of here, au reviour mon amis...
We are Arsenal.
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