This may or may not surprise many as I'm sure The Cesc™ would be many a punters number one choice. However the little turbo charged mighty atom gets the nod. Clichy played 49 games and started all but one Premier League games and I can only count twice where he lost concentration (you know the games). People may point the finger at Clichy for 'that' penalty against Birmingham City, however rewind the tape and you will see cap'n William Gallas putting Clichy in trouble when he least expected it. I think Clichy is more than deserving of the award and he was run very close by The Cesc and newbie Bacari Sagna. Clichy has shown over the course of the season he definitely has what it takes and we don't seem to be missing old what's his name. The one area that needs work is when he gets himself in the final third is to put a killer ball in. Some might say he still hasn't scored for The Arsenal and judging by his shooting that isn't going to change any time soon but I'm not too fussed if he doesn't get amongst the goals, he's a bloody defender. If he can help keep clean sheets that's alright by me, that's what he is paid to do after all. So well done Gael - you are our Player of the Season.
To have the rough you have to have the smooth, to have your yin, you have to have your yan. What the hell am I on about? Well I don't want to rinse out any Arsenal players without any good reason, simply because they are Arsenal and we stand behind our team, we support them, we back them to the hilt. That said, anyway the 'award' goes to none other than Emmanuel Eboué. The Ivorian gets the gong for his constant cheating, diving histrionics. Other than gamesmanship what does he offer? Oh he we go, no goals and one Premier League assist, not really what you want from a winger is it? Wenger may of had his reasons for saying Eboué gets too much criticism from fans but I'm not buying into it. I'm not having one bit of that at all. However if I'm going to say something positive about Eboué, it's that he needs to be a back up for Bacari Sagna, because as a right back he wasn't too shabby, he is not a winger by any stretch of the imagination. He has no place out there. If Eboué who isn't the most skillful played like an 'agricultural' type player a la Giles Grimandi all would be forgiven as you could tell the boy was trying and you could forgive that. But what with his antics - boy is he trying!
Sadly he is the most recently gone player too (Hleb was still at the club at the time of writing). With one year left on his contract Flamini was given the task to prove himself worthy of being classed as 'Arsenal material'. Well he took up the the task with such gusto AC Milano promptly snapped him up on a freebie. It still beggars belief that the board didn't offer Flamini a contract earlier than they did when you could see he had much improved and was vital to the way the midfield went about destroying other teams especially in the first half of the season.
This award has to go to The Blonde Bombshell Bacari Sagna. He came, he saw, he conquered. Sagna took to The Arsenal playing style like a fatman to a pile of bacon sandwiches, with great gusto. When Sagna signed there was a collective 'who' or 'qui'. But a few games in everyone realised what a gem this player was. He stormed the right back role with such aplomb it was recognised beyond The Arsenal fans and he was even named in the PFA Premier League Team of the Year and all this in his first year of English football. Sagna's importance to the team hasn't gone unnoticed either as he has recently signed a contract extension. The board probably learning from the Flamini debacle. Well Sagna had to win an award, he wasn't going to win one for that barnet. Crozilian Eduardo would of been a major contender for this award as he was just starting to show signs of what he was made of before that hatchet man and big lump of a player Martin Taylor cut short his season with that horrendous injury. But Sagna gets the nod and lets not forget he lost his brother during this time as well and still played like a trooper. Sagna we salute you.
The Togonator got a rack of goals this season, 30 in total for you lot still dissing him. But this goal is the stand out one. The chip and volley smash was a complete blinder and any goal against the scum of this calibre is great by me. This goal also voted top notch by Sky TV, BBC and the Premier League seems to be the neutrals pick as well, putting Adebayor amongst the rank of Dennis Bergkamp and Thierry Henry who made 'goal of the season' almost a personal crusade.
On the pitch it has to be the Champions League game against Liverpool. I was still jumping up and down like a mentalist Jens Lehmann who hadn't taken his pills when 'that' penalty decision was given, my mates ripped shirt and bashed head is testament to that. Anyway gutted is too light a word to put on the emotion that night. That's it, I don't want to relive that moment one second longer. I think every Gooner worth their salt was proper gutted.
Off the pitch it was not being able to keep hold of Mathieu Flamini. Not being able to retain Flamini comes close but letting him go on a freebie is a kick in the balls especially when the manager and club bleats on about not having any filthy lucre to throw around. So the perennial not being able to keep hold of our 'important' players gets this joint award. It gets annoying trying to build on what you have and then seeing players go! FFS!
Many will say the AC Milan at the San Siro game is the winner, it's most definitely up there but it isn't the one. It's just a massive shame that we couldn't go further and build on this. One thing I must admit about this game is that when we beat the Rosseneri everyone kept one banging on about it, which is fair play, as it was a historical and an amazing win. But after, it seemed it wasn't just the fans that believed the hype it was the players as well, when we had to go through the whole 'all the players think they need to do is turn up and we will win' shenanigans. However the best match this season and this will surprise some was the 'must win' game against relegation fodder Bolton Wanderers to keep our season on track after two draws against teams we should of spanked (Wigan and Middlesboro) and the loss against CSKA Chelsea. In this 'must win game' and admittedly one everyone expected us to win, low and behold in typical Arsenal style we get a player sent off after half an hour and by half time we are 2-0 down. Great. Cue the season ending early for us, again. Well The Arsenal dug deep, miraculously manage to pull it level and with just seconds on the clock JLloyd Samuel scores an own goal, 2-3 to The Arsenal! Cue Championship hopes still on track, drinking, dancing like your dad and your other half not having to look at your sour moosh when you eventually drag your arse home! This to me showed me The Arsenal fighting spirit, the never say die attitude, which gives me as much pleasure to see as well as our fancy dan passing game.
Well not much of a fight more of a tickle. Best mates Emmanuel Adebayor and Nicklas Bendtner fell out when The Arsenal was losing in 'that' Mickey Mouse semi final. Adebayor comes on and tells Bendtner 'allegedly' the only reason he is on is because Bendtner 'is shit'. Cue handbags at 10 paces and all the media jumping on the bandwagon in a frenzy for a story about The Arsenal imploding, being a disgrace and all that nonsense.
Absolutely no debate on this one. The taker of this award has to be Adebayor joined by Eboué after The Togonator scored against Derby County at the tail end of the season. If there is ever a better goal / dance celebration I want to see it. Also word has it Michael Jackson wants to buy the rights to the dance and use it in his next video featuring Justin Timberlake.
'Ze mentalist' wins this award for his mental rantings at Manuel Almunia despite dropping one through his legs at Fulham in the first game of the season after trying to take on a player like the old Colombian keeper Rene Higuita who's not a stranger to straight jackets either. Well Jens went on to mess up against Blackburn Rovers, was promptly dropped and the Mr. Angry fella just could not stop having a pop at Almunia., funny stuff. An honorary mention goes to Emmanuel Eboué who's clearly bonkers himself for doing his praying mantis, down on one knee, protesting to the ref not to book him. John Terry would be up there as well for his Champions League final miss had the miss not let northern monkeys Manchester USA win 'old big ears'. Don't get me wrong, I completely pissed myself when that donkey Terry hoofed it but seeing the Manc's lift the cup wasn't very funny, would of been funnier had it been a team I didn't despise pick up the trophy.
Billy 'wins' this for his performance against Birmingham City when he carelessly gave the ball to Gael Clichy in the penalty area in the last minute instead of hoofing it (I know it isn't The Arsenal way but fuck me, it's the last seconds of the game and if it is good enough for Tony Adams, Martin Keown and Steve Bould, then it's good enough for me). Well you know the rest, the penalty decision was given (which was incorrect), Gallas marches up the pitch, blows his lid, kicks an advertising board, burns a witch, slaps a steward, roasts a fan in the stands, then sits in the centre circle blubbing like a bitch - truly bonkers.
This is definitely the out right winner. This song is the kind of song to give you goose bumps. It's almost sung as if you should be in church. This chant isn't your 'normal' football chant and would probably win the Euro vision Song Contest. Well it couldn't be any worst than the last UK entry.
Hear it and see it here: Adebayor chant
Well of course it is. The greasy haired 1980's soul glow wearing drunk Bambi on ice wins the award hands down. Well old River dance Cristiano Ronaldo gave him a run for his money, saw a player coming and went down quicker than an Essex girl on a first date!
This award could be doubled up as 'The Hannibal Lector award for body mutilation' but the biggest wanker this season is Martin Taylor and you could possibly throw in a few of the Birmingham City players as well. Not content with mashing up Crozilian Eduardo Taylor didn't show much remorse, in fact if you do manage to find footage of the incident he even had a smile on his face when he clattered Eduardo. However it was the aftermath that done it for me. Some Birmingham players were sticking up for 'Tiny' saying 'he wasn't that sort of player', 'he didn't mean it' and other such gems. You even had ex-Arsenal player Seb Larsson claiming The Arsenal and Wenger were 'idiotic, childish, sore losers and unsportsmanlike'. Well hope you fooks enjoy playing that Championship football, it couldn't happen to a nicer team or a nicer player.
What is it with these French boys who go for the blonde topped look? First there was Djibril Cisse who looked like one of the Thundercats leading the way, now we have our very own version in Bacari Sagna. Great player, awesome, wicked, shite hair cut though. What happened to the good old fade, or bald even, cornrows anyone?
Enough said about that the better, let's hope that's never repeated and is a one off. The highlight of the game (if there is such a thing when you get a tonking) was the fisticuffs between our strikers. Apart from Adebayor's goal hitting the back of the net that was the only thing The Arsenal could hit - well apart from each other.
Thank you for joining us for the awards this year, you have been a lovely audience, please enjoy the free bar ands when you leave please do so quietly and don't piss off the neighbours blah blah blah...
Let us know any comments you have on the awards. Do you agree, do you think it's a bunch of arse? Let us know.